Modern Life Comedian Pillows

A vendor with his tongue stuck out in disgust stands next to a food cart selling brussels sprouts.

'Is that a cell phone? What the heck is a cell phone doing in my mobile home?'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"It keeps it out of sight when we're not watching it."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"A raise? Unlimited free refills aren't enough for you?"

Snowman Driver

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Man watches a cat enter a pet door to a "V.I.P. Lounge" in an airport

Our Troubled Chowders

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"No way! You're a telemarketer?! This is so great – hold on, I want to get comfortable ... how did you get my number?"

"They put nipples on the mannequins so you'll look at the stupid sweaters. Duh!"

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"The doctor wants you to point to where it hurts."

"Is there someone have called Frobisher?"

'I was texting when my pop spilled on my laptop, which made me drop my iPod. So you see, officer, it wasn't my fault. Blame technology.'

"Yes, Myra, I do still love you. What I don't love, however, is this exit poll every damned morning."

'We're looking for a wifi hotspot.'

"Lemonade App: $1"

"Meaning of life!!" "Meaning of 'Game of Thrones' series finale"

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Scan my own items, bag my own food? If I wanted to work here, I'd fill out an application!"

"I'm pretty sure there's a Starbucks on the other side of that big rock."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

"The public's taste in entertainment has certainly changed."

Rocket charmer.

'Everyone's depressed after income tax week, Cathy.'

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."