Modern Life Humorist Pillows

"How are you fixed for oats?"

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

'These days everything is higher.'

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"Does she realize she's rolled her cell phone and is talking into her ball?"

"Dude...it's not your phone."

"Riley doesn't bark. He tweets."

'Hi, I'm on the couch.'

My son is a director of communications for a multinational corporation. He doesn't call me and he doesn't write.

'Do you have a dental plan?'

Hunting for parking spaces.

Rocket charmer.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"I'm writing down the address of our website where you can go to logon and download your speeding ticket."

"Yeah, there's someone in the bathroom, I'm talking to him right now."

When technology goes too far #4. Hi. Just calling to say I'll be home in one second. See you when you get here.

"So, how do you like driving for Lyft?"

"Still itchy?"

Peter

Castle with parking lot.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

Pop Top Ice FIshing

This man is an island.

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

Snowman Driver

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'