Modern Living Humorist Pillows

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

Pop Top Ice FIshing

This man is an island.

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

God bless our home equity line of credit.

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

"No, dear, the baby didn't take a selfie. It's an ultrasound."

"Lemonade App: $1"

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

'Has this wall got spellcheck?' 'Dunno...ask it.'

"Bloody Cyclops!"

Rocket charmer.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

I'm Proud of my Gay Son!....I'm Proud of my Cross-Dressing Dad.

Hits Needed, please click.

"Prospecting ain't what it used to be."

'It took a great severance package before I agreed to ride off into the sunset.'

'And this is the walk-in laundry chute.'

"I thought you turned location services off."

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

Hi honey, I'm on the plinth.

Castle with parking lot.

"She comes with breast implants,a kiss and tell diary and a reality T.V deal."

"I have only my selfie to blame."

'I'm really looking forward to being put in a nursing home...'