Modern Living Satirist Pillows

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"Actually, it's more like a mouse race."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

Snowman Driver

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"Right! It's a heart op, neurosurgery and counselling. And I'll have the Wiz"

Gogglebollox: Our Queen at 90

"You can huff and puff all you want. The house is foreclosed and belongs to the bank."

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"Thank god for Sudoku."

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

'What's the antidote for espresso?'

Attention: Due to a lack of interest we have dropped the APATHY channel - Sorry for any inconvenience.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

"You're wonderful, Kimberly, and I want to be married, but I'm looking for a complete unknown."

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."

Rocket charmer.

TV SALES, 'Will the violence chip block out Sean Hannity?'

'Your breathing test results would be normal ... if you were 3'8' and 150 years old.'

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

"No need to set out traps, I'm leaving. You don't have Wi-Fi in this dump."

Jack and Jill Find Vending Machine

"In my day we had trimphones."