Modern Humorists Pillows

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Sorry, I don't have any money, but I can give you some free minutes."

Polly txt speak

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

Wifi in Hell

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

The First Fire Stick

Alien embryo growing in earth.

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

Giant Monster in Bath

"She's a miniature."

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

Peter

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"He looks just like your husband."

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

Why Superman flies himself