Modern Humorists Gifts

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Sorry, I don't have any money, but I can give you some free minutes."

Polly txt speak

"They're wearing cameras. How humiliating."

"Relax. I just had a vitamin."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

The First Fire Stick

'Too late...looks like they've already been pillaged.'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Alien embryo growing in earth.

"She's a miniature."

Giant Monster in Bath

'I'd think you'd be used to having a moat by now.'

"What if we're just a ship in somebody's bottle? Yar, here comes me existential crisis."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'I hope you ain't got no tax up here!'

'I was told you two have a love-hate relationship. Care to elaborate on that?'

Baby being fed using a lego construction.

Selfish shellfish - 'You kids share your food and stop being shellfish!'

Rabies on board - a couple of rabid babies.

"He looks just like your husband."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

It started friendly enough...'I'm Henry VIII, my dear, but you may call me 'Hank'.'

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"No, being declawed is the opposite of being a cyborg!"

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

Peter

'Surely they don't expect us to carry around THAT sort of money?'

'No worries Grizella, let me call my 'eye of newt' guy...'

'Justin, this isn't what I meant when I said we could make out like bandits.'

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

"Neversource"

Climbing with the baby