Modern World Humourist Gifts

"If you no longer wish to receive calls about special offers, press any key. But not the same one you pressed last time because that obviously didn't work."

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

Peter

Pop Top Ice FIshing

This man is an island.

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"You can huff and puff all you want. The house is foreclosed and belongs to the bank."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"Lemonade App: $1"

Gotta take you out, kid – You're getting booed off the field on my Twitter feed.

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

'Do you remember the good old days when actual dollar bills were dangled in front of us?'

OLD COMEDY vs. NEW COMEDY

'Put that out! -- the tribe just went smoke-free.'

Junk Art

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

Funeral for a Cartoonist

"Bloody Cyclops!"

Litigious Bo Peep

Rocket charmer.

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

Hits Needed, please click.

'I often commit the sin of pride, Reverend. I imagine myself being googled.'

'It took a great severance package before I agreed to ride off into the sunset.'

"Prospecting ain't what it used to be."

"I thought you turned location services off."

The Scream take its temperature

"She comes with breast implants,a kiss and tell diary and a reality T.V deal."