Modern Society Humorist Gifts

"You don't have a cell phone with you? That counts as 'nude'."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Peter

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

German School

The Ladies Who Lurch.

Pop Top Ice FIshing

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

This man is an island.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'