Modern Society Satirist Gifts

Another Starbucks Coming Soon

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

The prying mantis,

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Horse statue throws off rider.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"I'm after the history section."

"We're going to build in Rhinebeck, once Steven finds the right brick."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

Inhospitality tent.

"God help us, it's that guy."

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

Snowman Driver

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"You can huff and puff all you want. The house is foreclosed and belongs to the bank."