Modern Society Satirist Gifts

Another Starbucks Coming Soon

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

The prying mantis,

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Horse statue throws off rider.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"I'm after the history section."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"We're going to build in Rhinebeck, once Steven finds the right brick."

Inhospitality tent.

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

Snowman Driver

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"Do you mind if I not listen while you talk?"

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"You can huff and puff all you want. The house is foreclosed and belongs to the bank."