Modernity Satirist Gifts

if only i could figure out how this thing works

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

Pop Top Ice FIshing

This man is an island.

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

Snowman Driver

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

"Right! It's a heart op, neurosurgery and counselling. And I'll have the Wiz"

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"You can huff and puff all you want. The house is foreclosed and belongs to the bank."

"Lemonade App: $1"

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

Gotta take you out, kid – You're getting booed off the field on my Twitter feed.

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

"Speed daters! Say hi within the hour!"

"Bloody Cyclops!"

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."

"You're wonderful, Kimberly, and I want to be married, but I'm looking for a complete unknown."

"In the future, everyone will be famous for fifteen episodes."

Stay at home

'I'm just updating my Facebook profile.'

'What's the antidote for espresso?'

Litigious Bo Peep

King Commute.

'Don't you have anything more recent? I've already read what you just confessed on your blog.'

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

Everyone knew it was a hideous style, but nothing was ever said.