Modern Life Satirists Gifts

"Says here he leaves behind a wife, two children, and forty-seven Twitter followers."

"There's no privacy anymore."

Text in a bottle

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

"Don't forget to pay the cashier on your way down."

'Increasing resistance.'

"In my day we had trimphones."

Occu-Pie Mars

They're Not Just That Into It

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"My Weight Watchers meeting's tonight. I'd better get inside."

Snowman Driver

"Oh, say you can't see, any conflicts of interest in me! What's good for my brand, is now the law of the land! And the crooked media's nasty glare, my killer tweets bursting in air... Gave proof to the news cycle, that I'm so awesome it's almost unfair!..

Antiwar Democrats Get Tough

"Wanna play 'Waitin’ on the Cable Guy'?"

"Amazing, eh? Good-looking, dependable, trustworthy, inflatable."

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

"You didn't seriously think that one does one's own huffing and puffing these days, did you?"

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

'Blair picks safe poet caureate' "He was just giong through the motions"

"You can huff and puff all you want. The house is foreclosed and belongs to the bank."

War of Words

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

"I hacked into Santa's computer and discovered we're not on his naughty list. I feel we're letting our generation down."

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

Planet of the Ants

Leftie Trump

"I hear Presbyterian is the new Methodist."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

"This is my 'country house.' I also have a duplex in the city."

How much for the lamp post?

'Wow! Who knows what eroticism lurks in the heart of a sister.'