Modern Life Satirist Gifts

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"We will now observe a moment of silently checking our BlackBerrys."

"I knew you'd like this place."

"Before you go, would you mind taking a few moments to fill out a short form rating your relationship experience?"

"After you confess, can you fill out this survey to help us improve our interrogation methods?"

"The Passive-Agressive Door-Holding Game:See if you can make an innocent stranger hurry from more than fifteen feet away while you hold the door."

"I joined an online fraternity."

"Yeah, doc, I'm under a lot of pressure! All these gift cards I've been carrying around forever expire today!"

"No need to set out traps, I'm leaving. You don't have Wi-Fi in this dump."

Coffee Table Remote Controls

'The apple is just a marketing ploy. There's a limo service out of here and free shopping at the mall.'

'If that phone does everything, why doesn't it fit in your pocket?'

Jack and Jill Find Vending Machine

'Thanks for suggesting that Web-based bank. Now instead of waiting on line, I get to wait online.'

"Jeremy sits in his hi-tech car all day and telecommutes from our driveway."

'Quiet Desperation... 50 cents for 5 minutes'

Screen Addiction

'Oh, him? Much as he tried to avoid them,so many endless TV commercials kept popping up while watching his programs that, finally, one more caused him to snap!'

'What do you still pay for a landline phone when you both have a cell phone?!'

'The Meaning of Life is all about time and space...which reminds me...wanna buy my time share condo in Miami?'

"Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from email..."

"We don't bite food from fishing hooks anymore, we buy it online."

"'For data protection reasons, I can't say where I left your parcel.' What the..."

"Really? Does everything have to be password protected?"

World through a screen

Technological death

"I don't care if it does have wifi. . . it's a vegetable peeler!"

Drive-in dentist.

Life Hacks

Altered States

A large frame sits at a desk facing smaller frames.

"Mr. Hoffman? Ed Hoffman? Your office has been trying to reach you, sir."

"This is one of those places the truckers stop to eat at."

"The Bluebird of Happiness is on his way. We're security."