Society Satirists Gifts

"I'm sorry, but there is no more fast lane. We all live on the median now."

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

"The floor is now open for discussion of what to name ou generation."

Garrick club. Men's men only.

'Yes, Sir Henry is old money, but only because he never spends any of it!'

"Okay, how about some people are poverty rich but asset poor?"

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"Don't tell them you're a charity worker, they wouldn't touch you with a bargepole. . . tell them you're a banker or something."

"As a prepper I've taken precautions and can survive for weeks in case of disaster."

Occu-Pie Mars

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

They're Not Just That Into It

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Here's something called "The Fifty Greatest Countdown Shows Ever!""

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

The prying mantis,

"Yes, one is a dog."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

Horse statue throws off rider.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I'm after the history section."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

Inhospitality tent.

Antiwar Democrats Get Tough

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

"Oh, say you can't see, any conflicts of interest in me! What's good for my brand, is now the law of the land! And the crooked media's nasty glare, my killer tweets bursting in air... Gave proof to the news cycle, that I'm so awesome it's almost unfair!..

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."