Socialite Satirists Gifts

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

Occu-Pie Mars

They're Not Just That Into It

Vote Centrist to Keep Things Exactly as Awful as They Are

Politically Correct Snowperson

"Yes, one is a dog."

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

The prying mantis,

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Horse statue throws off rider.

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"I prefer 'prostitute'. 'Media whore' implies that I'm not getting paid."

"Adorable. Is yours a rescue too?"

"I'm after the history section."

Inhospitality tent.

"Show me a man who's optimistic about the human race..."

"Congratulations! It's a pass."

'Next time you hear confession from that barmaid say, Tut-tut not COR.'

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

Antiwar Democrats Get Tough

"God help us, it's that guy."

"Oh, say you can't see, any conflicts of interest in me! What's good for my brand, is now the law of the land! And the crooked media's nasty glare, my killer tweets bursting in air... Gave proof to the news cycle, that I'm so awesome it's almost unfair!..

"Pat's independently wealthy and dependably entertaining."

"These 'ordinary working class' types, I think my scout at Oxford must have been one."

"Morning, sir. We've received reports that you've been wielding an inappropriate attitude without a permit."

Attack Of The Guy From The Other Room

"It keeps me from looking at my phone every two seconds."

Illustration on the problem of money that is given to charities ending up in the hands of governments.

"Sometimes I have this awful feeling I'm really a West Side Person."

"All the better to ignore you with."