Society Humorist Gifts

'They say she's the toast of London society. More like crumpet!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'Your fur looks like you slept in it.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

Horse statue throws off rider.

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

German School

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

The Ladies Who Lurch.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

"What are you doing?"

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

The Evolution Of Man

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'