Societal Humorist Gifts

"He failed at hunting, and gathering was beneath him."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Indian rajah rowing elephant in a monsoon flood.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

"Gee, thanks pal."

'Yes, all at once!'

I'm not good with names but never forget a face. Of course, that's not very useful right now.

The prying mantis,

Welcome to Mauritius Home of the Dodo Burger

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"Yes, one is a dog."

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Horse statue throws off rider.

'I don't think the employees like me.'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

"So, like, don't make any big plans for this weekend."

'Mr. Dunbarter, your fantasy that 'greed is good' may be a case of economic insanity.'

"That's not a knife crime initiative. That's a knife crime initiative!"

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"I'm starting my own movement—Occupy Fifty-Seventh Street."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated

"Fangul." Italian sausage.

"I swear, Mr. Drumpf, I meant it in the best sense of the word." "Mr. Drumpf is a moron."

Looks Like They're Finally Renovating The Toilet

German School

"What are you doing?"

Bank P45's - 'Cashier number 5 please.'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

Plight of Decent-White-Male-Middle Class Scapgoats.

Man with dollar sign on his t-shirt.