Modern Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

'Put that out! -- the tribe just went smoke-free.'

'Peel is scratching himself.' - *share* - 'Ahhh!' - *like* - 'You like this.'

"Sorry kid, but making a list of who's been naughty or nice, amounts to cyber-stalking these days."

"They don't understand miles. But they do understand phone battery life. So, I'll tell them this trip is 4% of their phone battery."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'I don't like heights...maybe that's why I've had so many low points in my life.'

"Hue More Church Candlelight mass 7:00pm - 8:00pm"

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

"They're comfortable."

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

Dickens & Tolstoy Walk into a Bar: " . . . so, to make a short story long . . . "

Unemotional Support Animal

Man enters a palm reading establishment carrying a tropical plant.

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

Thrift: have your arms and legs amputated, use a pillow for a bed!

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"Yeah, I don't like this part either."

Raised by Dogs

Stairlift around cliff face.

"She wishes to range free!"

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

King on the toilet whilst jester laughs because the toilet paper is out of reach.

6,000 BC: Neolithic Barbecue

"...And that's how to translate honey into money."