Modern-day Humorist Pillows

'The little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home and shopped online...'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

Wifi in Hell

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

"Kevin, I'm leaving you to find myself ... a better Internet connection."

Peter

Pop Top Ice FIshing

This man is an island.

"You text LOL, but you have yet to actualize LOL..."

"Lemonade App: $1"

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

Gotta take you out, kid – You're getting booed off the field on my Twitter feed.

"These days, I don't eat homework. I just install ransomware."

'Do you remember the good old days when actual dollar bills were dangled in front of us?'

"Bloody Cyclops!"

"How am I going to put in a new tape?"

'Put that out! -- the tribe just went smoke-free.'

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

Rocket charmer.

Junk Art

'Has this wall got spellcheck?' 'Dunno...ask it.'

Hits Needed, please click.

'It took a great severance package before I agreed to ride off into the sunset.'

"Prospecting ain't what it used to be."

"And remember, dear, at midnight it turns back into an Uber."

Castle with parking lot.

'I'm probably not gonna get a 'Like' on my facebook account after this.'

"She comes with breast implants,a kiss and tell diary and a reality T.V deal."

"I have only my selfie to blame."

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

Mother says to Jack to protect himself on way to market

"I would like some facebook friends for Christmas."

"I need a companion."

"I thought you turned location services off."