Midlife Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

"Why bother?"

Middle-Age Superheroes

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

James Bond: Senior Years.

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"No, I do not live in my parents basement...it's a walk out."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

Whale Pattern Balding

'Dang.'

Hits Needed, please click.

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'It took a great severance package before I agreed to ride off into the sunset.'

'It's my prostate.'

Same Sexless Marriage

Bus. Routes. Time used to be on my side, now it's at my back and pushing.

Dad Socks / Dad Sex