Middle-age Humorist Gifts

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

Live: Middle Aged Men

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Can't we just go after sailfish...?"

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

'of course it's not natural: He dyes his mane to cover up his grey hair...'

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

'Dang.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

Same Sexless Marriage

"It's the Florida kid."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

birthday meets reality

'I'm 43, but I'm having it changed to 38 by deed poll.'

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

The Fountain of Menopause