Middle-aged Humor Lover Gifts

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"Why bother?"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Birthday To-Do List

"It's not so much a minivan as it is a hearse for our youth."

"Do you have any books on releasing the tiger within?"

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

Old man has a walking stick case.

'Did someone say something?'

"I don't think your old sports jersey shrunk. I think you grew."

'Dang.'

"Tell me this is just your mid-life crisis."

'You are always living in the past!'

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

'Aha, the vitamins for seniors swaps additives for preservatives.'

"It's the Florida kid."

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

birthday meets reality

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

Live: Middle Aged Men

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

"This is Norman - eighty-seven and never a mid-life crisis in his life."