Aging Humor Lover Gifts

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Old man has a walking stick case.

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

'Did someone say something?'

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'You are always living in the past!'

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'Aha, the vitamins for seniors swaps additives for preservatives.'

"It's the Florida kid."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"Thank you for the lovely dinner, Perry. Would you like to come in for a stool softener?"

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."