Aging Humor Aficionado Gifts

"Kick me"

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Birthday To-Do List

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'You are always living in the past!'

Pregnant vs. Old.

'It's my prostate.'

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"It's the Florida kid."

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"