Aging With Humor Aficionado Gifts

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'You are always living in the past!'

Pregnant vs. Old.

'It's my prostate.'

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

"It's the Florida kid."

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"