Senior Humor Aficionado Gifts

'Be sure to ask about side effects'

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

"Ernie!! Watch the speed bu....."

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

"I'd like to buy you a drink, beautiful... but I forgot my wallet in my pants and my pants at home."

Old Age Measurements

"I'm promoting an exiting new concept in leisure experience.2

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

James Bond: Senior Years.

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Old man has a walking stick case.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."