Senior Citizen Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'The worst thing about getting old is having to your childrens' advice.'

The day Young MacDonald officially Became Old MacDonald

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

A senior moment.

James Bond: Senior Years.

David Blaine, Age 60

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Did someone say something?'

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

Old man has a walking stick case.

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

Life begins at 60