Senior Citizen Humorist Gifts

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Toothless Meal

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

Man at council planning offices can't get through door due to position of steps.

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'Did someone say something?'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

Old man has a walking stick case.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

Life begins at 60

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"