Senior Citizen Humorist Gifts

'I saw a Rascal Scooter crash into a Hoveround. It all happened so slow.'

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"I want to dispel the rumor that this redistricting map was drawn by my toddler on an Etch-A-Sketch. . .I'd never met that toddler before."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Toothless Meal

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

James Bond: Senior Years.

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

Man at council planning offices can't get through door due to position of steps.

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Old man has a walking stick case.

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

I'm just a pollster, ma'am - I have no idea which candidate is a cat person.

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Did someone say something?'

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

Life begins at 60

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'