Senior Citizen Humor Aficionados Gifts

'There's a gastroenterologist in my closet.'

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

A senior moment.

James Bond: Senior Years.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

'Did someone say something?'

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

Old man has a walking stick case.

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

Life begins at 60

"How's your memory?"

'I need a low dose of Viagra please doctor. . .I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't wee on my shoes.'

Things You Say When You Are Officially Old - Volume # 2