Seniors' Humor Gifts

At the Old Bikers' Home

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'As a matter of fact, I have the heart of a 30-year-old woman.'

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Adam and Eve, as old people.

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'We all shrink as we get older... You'll just have to be a little patient!'

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

'Did someone say something?'

You know you're getting old... when your barber spends more time on your eyebrows and ears than on the hairs on your head.

Old man has a walking stick case.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

Life begins at 60

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"How's your memory?"