Senior Humor Fans Gifts

I'll bet with age would come wisdom, if only we would remember a @#%* thing.

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

Birthday To-Do List

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

James Bond: Senior Years.

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Old man has a walking stick case.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Did someone say something?'

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

Life begins at 60

"How's your memory?"