Senior Life Humorist Gifts

'It's for my legs. They keep falling asleep.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Toothless Meal

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

A senior moment.

James Bond: Senior Years.

David Blaine, Age 60

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Did someone say something?'

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Old man has a walking stick case.

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."