Senior Life Humorist Pillows

'It's for my legs. They keep falling asleep.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'Of course I want a short back and sides. I've only got a back and sides.'

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

Toothless Meal

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Adam and Eve, as old people.

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

A senior moment.

David Blaine, Age 60

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"What say we shake things up a bit, and go in and ask for a couple of home-pregnancy test kits."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Our house must be haunted. When I look in the mirror an old geezer-goat stands in front of me so I can't see myself."

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Don't let old age get you down. It's too difficult to get up again."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Can you spare a cup, for the bottom of my bird cage?'

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'Did someone say something?'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Old man has a walking stick case.

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

Pension in race with tortoise and snail.

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."