Senior Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"He's an old dog."

"Mr. Wilson when I said to treat 'Restview' like your own home that didn't include selling it."

Proud to be a senior citizen and Just give me my damn discount T-Shirts.

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

'It's my prostate.'

'A gang of senior citizens was arrested today for harassing freshmen....'

'Did you put my leftover stew in the emergency details again, George?'

'It's your turn in a minute!'

'It's not that, she just likes the smell of burning rubber.'

'I used to love going on the prowl at night too, but these days, I'm asleep by sundown...'

'Free prescription drugs and I'm on perfect health... you just can't win!'

'No, that's not my phone ringing. It's probably Grandad's pacemaker playing up again.'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

"That's precisely the problem. You're acting your age!"

"Baldo, do you know where this flyer came from?"

"It's beer flavored prune juice."

"Ageing gracefully is just a nicer way of saying you're slowing looking like s**t."

"How's your memory?"

Old Turtle

". . . we have noticed a sharp decline in productivity after they're dead!"

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'...always bragging about how often she was sexually harrassed.'

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"They're not sagging. I'm just letting them grow out!"

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"We're out of milk so I made your mush with Milk of Magnesia."

"There it goes again. That dang phone's here someplace..."

"Here, Kitty, Kitty, Kitty...."

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"