Elderly Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"You're here for piles? Piles of what?"

Fidel Castro at 84: Where the hell is the nearest toilet!?

"It's the Florida kid."

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

'You are always living in the past!'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'It's my prostate.'

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

'A gang of senior citizens was arrested today for harassing freshmen....'

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"