Elderly Humor Appreciator Pillows

"Why bother?"

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"What was life really like in the middle ages, Sadie?"

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

"How's your memory?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'You are always living in the past!'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'It's my prostate.'

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

"It's the Florida kid."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

Old Men on Rockers.

"It's beer flavored prune juice."

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

'A gang of senior citizens was arrested today for harassing freshmen....'

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

"Kick me"