Elderly Humor Appreciator Pillows

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

"Why bother?"

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

James Bond: Senior Years.

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"He may have a royal flush. He may have a pair of twos. It's impossible to tell since he had Botox."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

Old Golfers never die...only those who get in their buggies way!

'Hello, handsome - is that a Billy Cotton ringtone?'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"What was life really like in the middle ages, Sadie?"

You know your getting old when you have to put on your reading glasses to trim your eyebrows...

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"How's your memory?"

'You are always living in the past!'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'It's my prostate.'

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

"It's the Florida kid."

Bus. Routes. Time used to be on my side, now it's at my back and pushing.

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

"Kick me"

Old Men on Rockers.

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

'A gang of senior citizens was arrested today for harassing freshmen....'

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

"It's beer flavored prune juice."