Elderly Humor Enthusiast Gifts

"You're here for piles? Piles of what?"

Fidel Castro at 84: Where the hell is the nearest toilet!?

"It's the Florida kid."

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

You can't get what up

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

Birthday To-Do List

James Bond: Senior Years.

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"How's your memory?"

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

'You are always living in the past!'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

'It's my prostate.'

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

Bus. Routes. Time used to be on my side, now it's at my back and pushing.

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.