Elderly Humor Admirer Gifts

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"Why bother?"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

You can't get what up

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

Birthday To-Do List

James Bond: Senior Years.

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

'Did someone say something?'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Old man has a walking stick case.

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

"How's your memory?"

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

'You are always living in the past!'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'It's my prostate.'

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

Toxic Relationship

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

'Aha, the vitamins for seniors swaps additives for preservatives.'

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

Bus. Routes. Time used to be on my side, now it's at my back and pushing.