Elderly Humor Admirer Gifts

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"Why bother?"

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"I see Joe Bosco passed away." "Yeah. I heard he laid down the boogie and played that funky music til he died."

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

Old man has a walking stick case.

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

'Did someone say something?'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"Isn't Jim Carrey getting too old to make Jim Carrey movies?"

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

'You are always living in the past!'

Pregnant vs. Old.

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

Toxic Relationship

'It's my prostate.'

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

"It's the Florida kid."

"I wouldn't say that you're old, Dear, just way past your 'Best Before' date!"

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.