Elder Humor Aficionado Gifts

'You are always living in the past!'

"Why bother?"

You can't get what up

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"How's your memory?"

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

'It's my prostate.'

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

"It's the Florida kid."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

"It's beer flavored prune juice."

'A gang of senior citizens was arrested today for harassing freshmen....'

"I'd like to buy you a drink, beautiful... but I forgot my wallet in my pants and my pants at home."

"Kick me"

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

Old Men on Rockers.

Proud to be a senior citizen and Just give me my damn discount T-Shirts.

"Ernie!! Watch the speed bu....."

"There it goes again. That dang phone's here someplace..."