Elder Humor Aficionado Gifts

'You are always living in the past!'

"Why bother?"

You can't get what up

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

James Bond: Senior Years.

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

"How's your memory?"

"My back goes out more often than I do..."

"Yes, when I was young, I was a golden retriever: I'm more like a silver retriever now..."

'It's my prostate.'

Bus. Routes. Time used to be on my side, now it's at my back and pushing.

You know you're getting old...when your mobile phone rings and you start taking photographs of your ear.

"It's the Florida kid."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

'A gang of senior citizens was arrested today for harassing freshmen....'

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

Old Men on Rockers.

"It's beer flavored prune juice."

"Kick me"

"I'd like to buy you a drink, beautiful... but I forgot my wallet in my pants and my pants at home."

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

Proud to be a senior citizen and Just give me my damn discount T-Shirts.

How Fatherhood Affects Belt Height: Father/Grandfather/Great Grandfather.

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

"Ernie!! Watch the speed bu....."