Aging Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

"Why bother?"

'It's sad when the elbows begin to go.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

You can't get what up

Birthday To-Do List

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

James Bond: Senior Years.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Mort, the doctor says you can't get too riled up. It's bad for your heart. Yes, dear. You're not a young man anymore. You're not in tip-top shape. You don't eat well. You're not so muscular. I'm not a fan of your haircut. Nurse!

"Yes, dear. I'm pretty sure it's 'granny panties on the inside, pants on the outside.'"

'It's sadly ironic in a way - He can't hear the hearing aid commercials.'

Can't stand him. He really gets on my nerves, he does. Old curmudgeon embarrassing himself like that."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'I feel just like a newborn baby. . . Yes, no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

"How's your memory?"

Getting Old Sucks: "Incontinence hotline. Can you hold please?"

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'You are always living in the past!'

'It's my prostate.'

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

"It's the Florida kid."

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'