Aging Humor Gifts

As you get older your eyesight may fade a little....which is a good job all things considered.

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

'On the other hand, I really don't do that much reading.'

'It's a 'chaist,' dear. Your grandfather has reached the age where his chest and waist have merged.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"I"m getting too old for this business - I got mixed up and broke into my own house last night."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

It's not a zimmer frame...It's my wife!

Fourth age club annual outing

'I'd like a facelift for the woman next door!'

"Lower. Waaaay lower."

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

"I thought you were just kidding about those old ladies."

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Birthday To-Do List

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Dang.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'Face it, Frank - After 40 we all need glasses.'

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'