Aging Humor Gifts

As you get older your eyesight may fade a little....which is a good job all things considered.

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"I may be getting older, but my mind is still as sharp as a...umm...one of those little pointy things!"

'On the other hand, I really don't do that much reading.'

'It's a 'chaist,' dear. Your grandfather has reached the age where his chest and waist have merged.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Senior Moments: The beginning

"I"m getting too old for this business - I got mixed up and broke into my own house last night."

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Mountain has tunnel called Carpal Tunnel.

It's not a zimmer frame...It's my wife!

Fourth age club annual outing

'I'd like a facelift for the woman next door!'

Middle-aged zombie. Wait - why did I come up here?

"Lower. Waaaay lower."

"Well -- You're over 30 so you probably just slept on it wrong."

"I thought you were just kidding about those old ladies."

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Birthday To-Do List

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

"There ain't enough room in this here town for two arthritics, stranger..."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."