Aging Gracefully Humor Gifts

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Your contents have shifted."

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

"Why bother?"

"I never thought turning eighty would be so much fun!"

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I really have to exercise more. I went from yelling 'Fore' in my 20's, to yelling 'Wow' in my 30's, to yelling 'Ow' in my 50's."

A new you. 'First, you've got to stop lying about you age.' It didn't start off well.

Treat Dispensers for the Middle-Aged

An old man exercising with hourglasses

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"I can't stay in this hospital bed too long. Everyone will think I'm too old...too fragile...ready for the home. I'm not ready for that!"

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Parts Department

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Aging Problems

"Went with the hair plugs I see."

"As the years go by, and my hair recedes, I comb my parting with such sweet sorrow."

"It's completely normal for someone your age to develop a taste for butterscotch."

'I'm still hot. It just comes in flashes now.'

"You're right, they are statins."

"I come from the future."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"Miriam keeps me young."

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'