Aging Gracefully Humorist Gifts

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

'Arthur! When are you going to start accepting the passage of time?'

Old Darth Vader

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"You know you're getting old when your favorite band's tour s sponsored by an adult diaper company."

"I'm beginning to look just like your mother."

"Time to accept it. You can't run around the house for no reason like you used to."

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

Aging Problems

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'I hate to break this to you, Clark, but your buns of steel have turned to jello.'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

A man with notches in his nose for his glasses.

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'Timmy, thirty is the new fifty.'

"Can you suggest something that will enhance my hairstyle?"

'I can't leap tall buildings in a single bound like I used to.'

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"There ain't enough room in this here town for two arthritics, stranger..."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."