Aging Gracefully Humorist Gifts

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

'Arthur! When are you going to start accepting the passage of time?'

Old Darth Vader

"You know you're getting old when your favorite band's tour s sponsored by an adult diaper company."

"I'm beginning to look just like your mother."

"Time to accept it. You can't run around the house for no reason like you used to."

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

Aging Problems

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

"It's too late for a nose job and too early for a face-lift."

'I hate to break this to you, Clark, but your buns of steel have turned to jello.'

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

Things you forgot to tell me about getting older: "You're going to need bigger tooth floss."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"The Doctor says it's very rate for the superannuated to get taller."

'He's making preparations for his elderly care.'

'I can't leap tall buildings in a single bound like I used to.'

"Can you suggest something that will enhance my hairstyle?"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"You have the wrinkles of a woman half your age."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

'Will I outgrow my hair like you when I grow up?'

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."