Anti-aging Humorist Gifts

'Have you ever thought of having yourself digitally restored?'

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

"I'm starting to look old."

"It's the Florida kid."

Old Darth Vader

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"You realise, in cosmological years, we're not very old at all."

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.