Age-conscious Humorist Gifts

"We card everyone. You're too old for a Shirley Temple."

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

"Our health insurance premium doubled. Our age is now a pre-existing condition."

'It's hard to tell if that's part of the routine or just rheumatism.'

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

"I know that you've always enoyed your work."

"I'm starting to look old."

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

"It's the Florida kid."

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

Old Darth Vader

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Live: Middle Aged Men

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

'To absent teeth.'

'Firstly Madame, the Green Grocer is across the road and secondly that should explain why your 'bananas' are vibrating...!'

"It's father, doctor, he's creaking badly."