Elderly Humorist Gifts

Broadwalk Betrayal

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

When scientists come out of retirement.

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

'You are always living in the past!'

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"It's the Florida kid."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

Old Darth Vader

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

An old Dracula's false teeth fall out.

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

"Kick me"