Old Age Humorists Gifts

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

"Why bother?"

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

You can't get what up

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

Shirley Temple...The later years.. - 'Animal crackers in my poop...'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

'You are always living in the past!'

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

"It's the Florida kid."

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

Old Men on Rockers.

"Fancy a bit of the other what, Reg?"

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"Happy birthday. They were out of bourbon so I got you those underpants you can pee in."

Old People Whisperer

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

"He's angry about getting old."

'When did I become so old and morose?' 'I know. It seems only yesterday you were young and morose.'

I used to believe that aging is all in the mind. That explained why brows are so wrinkled. In my youth I was the picture of health and physically fit. These days my joints noisily creak and grind whenever I move. A sinus condition causes snoring loud enough to wake my neighbors. And my stomach constantly rumbles like a cement mixer! I've gone from a sound body to a sound body. It's a circle of life, Frank.

'I wish someone would get busy and invent toothpaste and deodorant!'

"I said, my testicles are cold." "That's because they're in the dog's water bowl again."

Broadwalk Betrayal

Middle Age: When you still believe you'll feel better in the morning!