Old Age Comedians Gifts

Old People Whisperer

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Toothless Meal

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"It's the Florida kid."

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

Old Men on Rockers.

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

The Fountain of Menopause

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

"He's angry about getting old."

"The kids have sent us an app that reminds you what you were thinking twenty minutes ago."

Middle Age: When you still believe you'll feel better in the morning!

Broadwalk Betrayal

"Great! O.K., this time I want you to sound taller, and let me hear a little more hair."