Old Age Comedians Pillows

Old People Whisperer

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

Toothless Meal

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

"It's the Florida kid."

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

"I see Arthur's arthritus is acting up again."

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

The Fountain of Menopause

Old Men on Rockers.

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

"I'll be performing the operation, and this is the anesthesiologist."

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

"He's angry about getting old."

Broadwalk Betrayal

Middle Age: When you still believe you'll feel better in the morning!

I used to believe that aging is all in the mind. That explained why brows are so wrinkled. In my youth I was the picture of health and physically fit. These days my joints noisily creak and grind whenever I move. A sinus condition causes snoring loud enough to wake my neighbors. And my stomach constantly rumbles like a cement mixer! I've gone from a sound body to a sound body. It's a circle of life, Frank.

"The kids have sent us an app that reminds you what you were thinking twenty minutes ago."

"Great! O.K., this time I want you to sound taller, and let me hear a little more hair."