Aging Comedian Gifts

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"Relax, Honey. People are always mistaking me for Death!...I'm his sister, Middle-Age."

"at my age I have to wonder if it's indigestion or a heart attack." (two old men discussing aging and medical concerns)

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

Toothless Meal

How are you feeling today? I feel just like a newborn baby. Really? Yes. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

"Date of birth?" "1989." "In 1989 I couldn't make ice... still can't." "Good lord, she could be my daughter! I'm so #!@* old." "That's the year my wife left me. Now I have a cold and I'm depressed!"

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

'He's disappointed with the Queen's card - he wanted a rude one!'

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"Without a doubt... the first sixty!"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"I never thought you'd live to be 90 either. By the way, you're only 67."

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

"I'm starting to look old."

Old Darth Vader

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Now showing: Retirement Village Vixens, You must be 65.

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.