Geriatric Humorist Gifts

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

"Why bother?"

'I've been called some mean things as a baby boomer, but 'Pig in the Python' really hurts.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

"I've thought about retiring, but there's a great deal of gravity under this chair."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

Old men,"I have terrible trouble with my joints..the cannabis keeps falling out."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'He won't start up on cold mornings.'

"The good new is I found your dentures. The bad news is the dog has a new chew toy."

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"It turns out my milk is actually aging cream...so, I use it to remove all those ugly age spots."

"Who knew a lifeless box could spread such fear? It came from the mailbox."

"It came... it grew... it made Nana say bad words... 'Ow! You rotten #@!!×!' The invasion of the thistle"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

When scientists come out of retirement.

"What do you mean, 'I'm in good shape for a man of forty'? I'm only twenty-six!"

"Damn if I didn't start walking in this direction for a reason..."

Annuals, Perennials, Centennials, Millennials

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

"Why is there a picture of an old man in the bathroom?"

"Relax kid, you're going to be for awhile."

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

'You are always living in the past!'

Husband's sudden interest in Aquafit is all because of the sexy instructor.

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."